December 19, 2011

Unless you watch reality TV or hang with teenage girls, you might not be familiar with the term “frenemy.” Essentially, it’s a combination of the words “friend” and “enemy” and describes the unique relationship you have with someone who’s a friend you can’t quite trust.

As business owners, we deal with frenemies every day. We run into people at industry events or local chamber of commerce meetings that we’re nice to on the outside, but inside we can’t stop thinking about how they’re the competition and how we have to beat them.

But what if you stopped thinking that way? What if you started thinking of these entrepreneurs as friends, and consider all the things you can learn from them, and all the ways you could help each other?

This attitude makes a lot of sense for small businesses, which are facing unprecedented challenges from big U.S. companies, and global businesses today. Banding together and learning from each other is one way we entrepreneurs can fight back.

You can do this one-on-one, but there truly is strength in numbers, so think about forming a group or informal organization. Here are some ideas.

First, determine your parameters. There are plenty of large national organizations, so when you start a group, you don’t want to duplicate efforts.

• Consider limiting it to a particular industry (such as retail) as well as a specific location (your city, or even a neighborhood within the city such as a downtown shopping district).

• Also limit the members—you’ll get more intense and focused interactions if your group doesn’t get too big.

• Finally, limit competition. For instance, while the owners of two different restaurant concepts (fast food and pricey steakhouse) might feel comfortable sharing ideas, you probably don’t want the owners of two sushi restaurants in the same neighborhood to be in the same group.

Next, set regular meetings. We’re all busy, so quarterly meetings are a good starting point; if you can manage bi-monthly or monthly meetings, all the better. It’s important to meet in person, since this encourages interaction and is more energizing than sitting in front of your computer. (Sure, you can keep in touch online as well, but don’t let that be your sole method of communication.) Meeting at a local restaurant also helps support local businesses—and isn’t that your whole goal?

What to talk about? You should all share the challenges you face, and how you’re tackling them. Put everything on the table: marketing methods that are working (or not), how you’re using social media, problems with hiring or recruiting, and customer issues. The key is to be open and honest about what’s going on in your businesses, sharing solutions as well as concerns. It’s all about the give and take.

By creating a group to work together, you’ll come up with new answers, new partnerships and new ideas. For instance, you might find a complementary business that can promote your company’s services in exchange for you doing the same. Or you might discover that by teaming up, you and another business have a better chance of landing that big client you’ve been seeking.

By treating each other as friends—and not enemies—we all benefit.

Have you ever tried anything like this? How have you learned from your “frenemies”?

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Rieva Lesonsky, Article, business relationships, attitude, communication

Join the conversation ( 5 )

• GLENN LESNICK 4 months ago

  

  "Frenemy" has the same meaning as "passive-agressive" (psychology)and "covert hostility" (Scientology) and was formed the same simple way as "dramady" (drama-comedy).Sigmond Twayne, author-journalist

• Drewry News Network 5 months ago

  

  I know they are everywhere, but I have learned to humble myself and make the best out of being around all kinds of people, friend or enemy. Life is about how we deal with people in all kinds of situations, as I am a well seasoned professional today in dealing with people on a personal, as well as a business level. The Bible says to love your enemy, and I'm still working on that "just being honest" :-)http://www.DrewryNewsNetwork.com

  • Rieva Lesonsky 5 months ago

    

    Thanks Drewry. I think that the lesson here is if we cooperate with those we used to just compete with, it makes all of us stronger.

• Julie Rains 5 months ago

  

  A couple of months ago, I spoke with a business owner who was participating in various forms of frenemy-ships -- typically with different groups with distinct purposes, which helped him to explore and address specific problems relating to say, product development, material sourcing, or marketing. I have also worked with those who might be considered competitors in order to share ideas, get insights on common problems, etc. This process works well but having a distinct brand or personality yourself that differentiates you from your frenemies (or what I might call your collaborating competitors) is helpful.

  • Rieva Lesonsky 5 months ago

    

    I agree Julie that it's important to make sure you have a distinct brand, or it's all too easy to get lost or overshadowed by your frenemies. Actually there is an off-shoot of co-opetition, which also is essentially "fraternizing with the enemy." For small businesses though teaming up can increase our effectiveness, especially when we have to compete with bigger businesses with much bigger resources.