April 18, 2011

Several weeks ago, I commented on a widely read blog and received many inquiries as a result. The topic: etiquette blunders in business.  Since the Web hardly needs another etiquette list, I thought I would share 4 cautionary tales on the subject: three have clear lessons to impart while the third is more ambiguous but thought provoking, nonetheless.

Salt “Lick”

A group of litigation partners took a promising young associate out to lunch—all was going swimmingly until the hosts noticed that the associate added salt to each course before tasting his food. No one at the table said a word, but all of the partners spoke about it amongst themselves afterwards. They unanimously agreed that something as small as seasoning your food before tasting it was indicative of a serious character flaw—that of someone who makes decisions without having all the facts. Enough said.

Mad Men

While dining with a client not long ago, the conversation turned to the subject of alcohol and business meetings. I expressed my opinion and encouraged my lunch mate to do the same. He then smiled and went on to recount a true story about a dilemma he faced early on in this professional career.

As a new partner in his firm, he was asked to conduct a preliminary lunch meeting at the corporate headquarters of a prospective client. After he and his host were seated, the waiter approached to take their drink order: the host was having a martini.

Though he enjoyed a good martini (and said so) my client was thinking that it was unprofessional for an interviewee to drink at lunch. So, he decided to “pass” by making light of his abstinence with the explanation that he found it “too hard to focus in the afternoon if he drank at mid-day.” ( So far so good.)

However, when the waiter returned to inquire about a second round, the atmosphere at the table inexplicably changed: the host was having another and, in a friendly manner, asked his guest to join him. Once again, the invitation was declined. Lunch concluded and the two men went their separate ways. After several weeks passed without a word from his prospect, the young partner decided to call, check in and arrange a date for a second meeting. It was only then that he learned that his firm had not been hired.

For whatever reason, the guest made his host feel uncomfortable. Should he have acquiesced? Would it have been better to order something and nurse it during the meal? Would the same pressure apply if the guest had been a woman? Thoughts?

Shake the hand that shook the hand of John L. Sullivan

At an industry event in Silicon Valley this winter, a new CMO of marketing was introduced to his department at a private luncheon. Before sitting down, the executive made the traditional rounds and personally introduced himself to each and every team member. Unfortunately, he had a “dead fish” grip. In fact the “ick” factor was so palpable, people continued to react to it in subtle ways months later.

Of course you don’t want to over compensate and shake the leaves off trees. If you are worried about getting it “right,” try practicing with a friend or colleague. The goal is to develop a natural, sincere greeting that culminates with a confident hand shake. When my brother and I were small, my mother used to tell us to “shake the hand that shook the hand of John L. Sullivan.” Maybe a little extreme, but it worked!

Duck, Duck Goose

Last year, my office helped arrange an elegant dinner for a Silicon Valley CEO, his key sales people and top business prospects. In attendance were some of the country’s most important on-line retailers—about a dozen in all. As everyone was gathering in the private dining room, and because there were no place cards, two sales people took it upon themselves to sit next to each other.

Of course, place cards would have provided immediate clarity for everyone. Without them, seating arrangements should have been discussed beforehand. This said, when in doubt, don’t sit down. Most hosts plan business breakfasts, lunches and dinners with specific objectives in mind and seat their guests accordingly. To avoid any possible awkwardness, ask or wait to be seated.

OPEN Cardmember Susan Roth took the helm of Trims Unlimited in 1985. Since then, the company has regularly been recognized as one of the nation’s fastest growing private companies. 

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