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Santa's Perfect Pitch

Guy Kawasaki Co-Founder, Alltop Recent Posts

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December 23, 2008

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Jeremy Hanks (@jeremyhanks on Twitter) analyzed Santa as an entrepreneur in his post called Santa Claus: World's Greatest Entrepreneur. I loved what he did so I crafted a venture-capital pitch for Santa to illustrate the kind of deal that venture capitalists would fund in today's economic conditions.

1. Problem. Parents need a method to influence their non-compliant kids throughout the year. This is a universal problem beginning at approximately age three and continuing up to the teenage years.

2. Solution. Outsourced bribery via jolly old man who gives candy and toys to nice kids and lumps of coal to naughty ones.

3. Business Model. Revenue sharing with toy companies and candy companies, licensing image to retailers, and royalties from multiple movies, songs, and publications.

4. Underlying Magic. Ability to deliver toys to all the kids around the world in one night, make reindeer fly with near zero-carbon footprint, enter homes through chimneys, know what every kid wants, and know whether every kid has been naughty or nice. Zero support issues due to omniscience. Completely lead-free materials. Over fifty patents filed.

5. Marketing and Sales. Current SEO methods yield 15,700,000 hits in Google. Partnerships with toy manufacturers, candy companies, and retailers to increase Santa's brand awareness for mutual benefits. Deep inroads into western literature. Creation of long-lasting brand awareness by working with grandparents. You can track market penetration in real time too.

6. Competition. Jesus or none, depending on your world view.

7. Team. Proven CEO with hundreds of years of experience. In addition, there are Mrs. Claus, non-unionized elves, and flying reindeer including one with a red nose. All work for free with no stock options. North Pole production facilities are also free.

8. Projections. Total addressable market of two billion children. Conservatively, 1% market share means twenty million children.

This is the kind of deal even the most jaded venture capitalist would jump at. Be sure to give me the first shot at the deal if you're Santa. Merry Christmas!